A few years ago, I found myself in a strange in-between. On the outside, everything looked fine. I was ticking the boxes. Doing good work. But deep down, I felt… off. Like I was meant for something more but couldn’t quite name what that something was.
I started Googling things like “how to find your purpose” and binge-watching TED Talks and YouTube videos by people who seemed like they had it all figured out.
One of them said, “When you find your purpose, everything falls into place.” I believed them. So, I kept searching. But the more I searched, the more anxious I felt for not having mine.
Later, I found out that this feeling actually has a name: purpose anxiety. It's the fear of not knowing what you’re here to do. And if you’ve ever felt it too, you’re not alone.
Why Purpose Feels Like a Big Deal
Humans have always asked big questions:
- “Why am I here?”
- “What’s the point of it all?”
- "What's the meaning of life?"
In the past, many of those answers came from religion, tradition, or community, like larger systems that gave us a map. But today, that map isn’t always there, and purpose has become something we’re expected to find for ourselves.
And while that freedom can be empowering, it can also be overwhelming, and make you feel like you’re behind, broken, or just… lost. Especially when everyone online seems to have a crystal-clear calling, a curated life, and a 5-step morning routine to match.
What Is Purpose, Really?
Psychologists Patrick McKnight and Todd Kashdan define purpose as a “central, self-organising life aim.” In other words, a guiding thread that pulls everything else in your life into alignment. It's the driving force that shapes your goals, influences your decisions, and gives your daily actions a deeper sense of direction.
Think of it as a compass that orients you, not towards the easiest path, but towards the most meaningful one. While motivations like safety, comfort, or pleasure help us meet our basic needs, purpose asks a bigger question:
- "What am I contributing?"
- "What kind of impact do I want to make?"
Research shows that purpose is a powerful protective factor. People with a strong sense of purpose report higher levels of life satisfaction, better mental and physical health, more resilience in the face of stress, and greater self-esteem. In fact, some studies suggest that having a sense of purpose can even help you live longer.
But here’s where it gets tricky: when we don’t feel that sense of direction, when we’re unsure what our purpose is or how to find it, it can feel like we’re floating without an anchor. And the more we search, the more frustrated we become. We start to compare ourselves to people who seem to have it all figured out, and we feel like we’ve somehow missed the memo on what we’re supposed to be doing with our lives.
That’s the emotional weight of purpose anxiety. It’s not just about not knowing your purpose. It’s the feeling that you should know it by now. That you’re behind. That you’re failing some invisible test.
But you're not. You're just in the messy, uncertain, very human middle of figuring it all out.
How to Deal with Purpose Anxiety
The good news? Purpose isn’t a lightning bolt, it’s a process. It’s not something you find by sitting still and waiting for inspiration. It’s something you build by taking action, experimenting, and following the trail of what feels meaningful.
Here’s how you can start easing the anxiety and move forward, even if you don’t have all the answers yet:
1. Stop comparing your journey to theirs
Comparison is a fast track to feeling like you’re behind. Everyone’s life looks more figured out from the outside. But purpose isn’t something that arrives on schedule, it unfolds uniquely for each of us. The only timeline that matters is your own.
Try this: Instead of asking “What am I missing?”, try asking “What feels meaningful to me right now?”
2. Embrace the in-between
Not knowing is uncomfortable. But it’s also where growth happens. This “liminal space,” which is the gap between where you are and where you want to be, isn’t a mistake. It’s part of the journey.
We don’t need to rush to define everything. Sometimes, the waiting room is where we learn the most about who we are.
Try this: Shift your focus from “figuring it out” to “figuring myself out.” Explore. Reflect. Allow space for not knowing.
3. Experiment on purpose
If purpose is action-oriented, then sitting still won’t get you there. Start small. Try things. Follow your curiosity. Test out new interests, meet new people, volunteer, build something, learn something new.
Think of yourself as a scientist running experiments. Not every trial will lead to a breakthrough but each one gives you data.
Try this: Choose one new project, interest, or challenge you’ve been curious about. Commit to exploring it for 30 days. See how it feels.
4. Document what moves you
As you explore, write it down.
- What energised you?
- What drained you?
- What did you lose track of time doing?
Use a journal, a voice note, or even just the notes app on your phone. Over time, patterns will emerge.
Try this: Each week, write down 3 things that made you feel alive or fulfilled, even if they seem small. These are clues.
5. Let it be a lifelong project
Purpose isn’t a destination, it’s a direction. You won’t wake up one day and be done. You’ll keep evolving, and your purpose will too.
In the words of psychiatrist David Viscott:
“The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The work of life is to develop it. The meaning of life is to give your gift away.”
Purpose takes time. But the act of looking for it i.e., the willingness to keep asking, learning, and showing up, is part of what makes life meaningful in the first place.
So, if you’re feeling lost, and you don’t know what you’re here to do yet… good. That means there’s still space to discover it. And in the meantime, keep going. Keep exploring. Keep becoming.